I have delayed writing this for a bit. My emotions about it were a bit overwhelming. I am not sure I am ready to write it even at this point…but am giving it a try anyway, as I need the therapy writing provides.
My 7 yr old confessed he tried to kill my cat intentionally.
Now, anyone who reads this knows my animals are not just “animals” but also my babies. I also rescue animals and help other animals…my heart and soul just empathizes with critters as well as people…so my pets are my people too. So those people who say its “just a pet” are just not my people.
Anyway, the way he thought he was killing her would, in fact, thankfully NOT kill her.
He has a therapy recommended rice table. The thing drives me crazy…he is 7, not 3…but his therapist told me to make him one, and I didnt want her notes to say I wasnt cooperating. So I made the damn thing, knowing it was going to sit there, and be a source of mess.
He was angry about bedtime, so he got out of bed, and was flicking pieces of uncooked rice under his door to get the attention of the cat, as he could see her shadow under the crack of the door. The cat then stayed and began playing at the doorway, pawing around. When I asked why he was throwing rice around (expecting an answer about making a mess or something) he said “the cat will eat it and die.” Instead, I almost had a heart attack and died. Wait, wtf did you just say??!!
So, I asked him to repeat. I said what do you think will happen if you give the cat rice? He said with no hesitation, “she will die.” And so I said, “And you were trying to feed her rice?” “Yes.”
O.M.F.G. The implications of this yes…the seriousness of this situation. My head still wants to explode.
I calmly said, “You tried to kill my cat?” And that is when he got emotional, and started to panic…he whimpered, but it was genuine.. it was what he does when he has made me angry on purpose. Its a fake, calculated sound. He began asking if he was in trouble. I just closed the door and walked away. Mommy needed a time-out.
Later, I wrote the same questions I had asked him on paper and asked him to write his answers. He wrote the same responses. I will give that to his therapist.
My husband is still trying to dismiss the seriousness of this. He often sits in denial of what is going on with middle for long periods of time. I think this is typical…the denial. It took me 2 years to convince him we needed the ADHD meds, and now he feels like a jerk about that. This is a situation where I bring that up…like, hey…remember that?? Pull your head out of your ass and listen to me.
I dont know WHAT to do or think. I love this kid. But he pushes every button, every time. And this is very serious. This is scary. And this therapist…wont be enough. The treatment place I would like him in wont take him til age 10.
It is hard to live worrying constantly. I have never dealt with this kind of situation before.
I certainly didnt think it would keep going this long.
God, I just wish I could tell his birthparents how badly they hurt him…how their abuse and neglect in his toddler years DESTROYED this child. That even in a normal environment for years he STILL cant accept being loved and happy. But would they even care?
I dont want him to end up like them…a prisoner, drug addict, felon. But this cruel intent of killing my cat out of anger toward me…I fear the worst.