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With the anniversary of my father’s death coming up, I can’t stop thinking about his funeral. He had a remarkable showing for a mostly solitary guy. The floral arrangements were many, mostly from business associates. It was heartwarming to see how many cared. The number of people who stopped to pay respects surprised me. He did run a business, so maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised. He did good.

Then, I think “What if I died? What would my funeral look like?”

And, honestly, I don’t think it would even pay to HAVE a funeral. Sadly, the only people who would truly miss me are my immediate family. Those living in my home. 

I have no friends that I speak to regularly. I have no real connection to the outside world. This blog…this is it.

I am a stay at home mom. I used to have friends. They all distanced themselves as we did foster care. None understood why, or how we could do it. None stuck by as we had kids with challenging behaviors, or tough situations. None could accept the confidentiality of fostering, and why we wouldn’t tell them why things were the way they were. 

And so, here I am. My husband is truly my best and only real friend. I have acquaintances, sure. But nobody I feel I can call on a whim to talk to. When I feel sad or even happy, nobody to share that with. 

So, if I died now…who would care?

It is a strange thing. I know I have lived well. I have done good things. Yet…nobody would show up. 

It’s sad.