So, with my husband’s new job comes new insurance. New insurance means different coverage, which includes a very outlined surrogacy exclusion.

I was excited to contemplate surrogacy again. I love being pregnant. 

However, this new covetage, or lack of coverage, means we can’t move forward without another policy. A policy that is very expensive. 

Honestly, communication and timelines for this potential journey have been all over the place. It hasn’t felt easy. It should feel somewhat easy to make ot doable for me. I shouldn’t feel aline in the process, like it is work. It IS work. It is a lot to go through for someone. But I don’t want it to feel that way.

I have felt very up and down about this situation. I have questioned if it was the “right” fit. I have wondered if I would regret it, or if it was going to feel wrong.

I have an overwhelming amount of empathy for this couple. I remember the accident that took their child. Small communities have a way of everyone feeling connected, even if you aren’t. With a child of similar age, I felt their loss.

I felt empathetic at the birth of their second child…premature. Scary. 

But, I also wonder how this pregnancy even happened. I question their clinic, and their policies. Of course, not to them. Their surrogate was courageous and kind to carry their baby. As a surrogate myself, and one who considered trying again, I understand wanting to help. However, the desire to help may be overshadowed by other things. For me, insurance will stop the desire…it just won’t work out. For her…health concers should have prevented her from being able to help. A latw miscarriage 2 yrs ago, along with blood pressure issues. All this led to a prematurely born child. All had good intentions. But doctor’s should not have allowed her to be a surrogate. Because I know better, having worked with a reputable clinic my first time…this clinic makes me uncomfortable.  

This family is not happy with me. We underwent a few preliminary tests. Lawyers were consulted as we worked on a contract we never finished negotiating. Psych evalutions were done, and added cost.

Even so, we planned an early vacation in anticipation that I would soon be pregnant. This was at an unexpected  (and now unnecessary) cost for us. Had our trip staued at a later date, our cost would be reduced considerably. 

Yet, I am trying not to bring it up. The family has brought up their cost, in an effort to make me feel guilt or obligation. They have asked me to pay partial cost for new insurance. They have asked that I take less compensation to move forward. 

I shouldn’t be penalized. I shouldn’t bear the cost of their misfortune and infertility.

Thw compensation I agreed to was already only half of what an agency would offer me, as an experienced surrogate. I was empathetic, and not greedy. But this will affect me and my family for the minimum of a year. I will have limitations. Medical procedures. And I will need healing time afterward that will take even longer.

I am frustrated this is overshadowed by guilt. In some ways, maybe insurance excluding this is a blessing. I don’t think this would have been the journey I was seeking. The fun bonding relationship I wanted, or experienced the last time.

I am sad to feel guilt heaved upon me. 

I am still feeling sympathy for this couple. Their loss. Their new, complicated journey with a currently medically fragile child  (who should be ok…but one doesn’t know what the future may bring for premature kids, and learning and developing). 

But, i cannot feel guilty. We questioned every appointment prior to having a contract, for this very reason. We were honest about a probable job change, and unknowns it could bring. Our original timeline would have worked; I would habe been pregnant, and it would have had to be covered as pre-existing. However, our original timeline was delayed due to a premature birth. This delay wad also the reason we needed to plan an early vacation to proceed. 

Anyway, I can’t wallow in a place of guilt. This job change is an incredible opportunity for us. And, seeing the reaction, I know this insurance change likely saved me from a situation that would have caused me more hurt than joy. A situation that should only bring joy.

I hope they can find someone who can work within their expectations.