, , , ,

So, I use this blog almost as a diary. Welcome to my thoughts…

I have been thinking about all things middle child, wondering why this has been so hard.

I realize we were set up to fail by a very flawed system.

Middle would have thrived in an only child household. I believe this. We have 3 kids. It is impossible for us to oarent the others “normally” but parent him in an emotionless way that his RAD dictates wr must.

Many details of his trauma were withheald from us. We were 6 mos in before we knew he had been born addicted to drugs. We were years in before we were told they suspected his birth mom has mental health issues. 

We were denied counseling for him. We asked, when behaviors were getting harder and harder. We were told it may hurt the case.

We were told his case would be easy. The worker thought we couldhave a finalized adoption in as little as 9 mos. His case was actually a 3.5 yr battle, where at one point they asked us to consider guardianship to get it off the caseload. 

Because of the RAD behavior, and due to the uncertainty of the case, I think a wall was built between us. He won’t accept me because of RAD. I became scared of the timeline and uncertainty, and failed to fight back against RAD with all my power. 

And…here we are.

I know isn’t because he wasn’t a baby when he arrived. I have connected with many older kids, and felt my heart break when they left me. A loss so traumatic it is hard to breath when I think of them.

I wish middle would have been with me as a baby though…I know he woukd be different, better, never having been neglected, and all the ways his development was affected by that.

But…I do believe we were set up to fail. When I questioned the behaviors, asked for counseling, etc,  we were not given help. Workers should have recognized the situation, shoukd have seen my exhaustion and known the fit wasn’t right.

But, now it doesn’t matter. Now, we are responsible. We must figure out how to keep our sanity, marriage, pets and other kids safe. How to muddle through our exhaustion…without giving up.