I don’t know how to keep doing this.
Since the truck incident with middle, I just can’t. Constant supervision with pets and with little so middle doesn’t harm is an unfathomable exhaustion.
Not to mention, I don’t know how to let my anger go. He tried to push his brother in front of a truck. How do I let it go? How do I look at him? I feel nothing but anger. I just don’t know how to move on.
My husband makes excuses. Of course, he wasn’t there. We can barely talk about anything important right now. My anger is bubbling over, his calm defense and excuses make me sick.
My husband is a good man. The best. I love him with all that I am. Bit he refuses to see how serious things are. He has always proceeded with blinders on when it comes to middle. I knew this would be too hard. I know my husband feels guikt he didn’t listen. But, he still doesn’t listen.
I truly believe we will have to separate. I don’t want to lose my marriage. But if we live apart, how will it work?
I am losing everything. I will not be able to be a sahm anymore. I will need to go back to working, something I haven’t done in years. I supported my husband’s goal of getting his degree. I have nothing. Jobs will be low paying, the kind not meant to support a family but suppliment. But it will be all I qualify for.
Our annual vacations will be impossible. He will be able to afford them, I will not. Little will lose these opportunities. The guilt is tremendous.
Our retirement plans will die. We have put hundreds away for years to be financially ready when we are older. All of it, my husband will benefit.
He has offered to pay for the hkuse for me. Yet, I will have to find a way to pay the bills. Pay the taxes. With no real skills, huge holes in my work history because I am “just a mom.”
How can we make it work? How can we be married but live apart. I love him, but I am losing him. I am losing everything.
And he doesn’t even realize it. He thinks everything is fine. But I am dying inside.