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So, a few posts ago, I mentioned therapy. This summer has been hard with my middle RAD son. Prior to our appointment my husband called asking for one sooner, and we were tokd we had to wait the 3 weeks because nothing was available. He had explained we were at a crossroads, potentially even going to live apart. Still, we had to wait.

Luckily, in those 3 weeks we found an affordible childcare option to help give me a break from the constant supervision middle needs at home. Middle and hubby did leave home for a few days while we found these solutions, as I was completely overwhelmed.

Because of his pet aggression, and his mean behavior, he is now supervised constantly. If one of us can’t be watching him, he must be in his room with the door closed doing an activity. It isn’t ideal, but we must keep everyone safe.

When I walked into therapy, one of the first things she suggested was disrupting the adoption. She said if I am unable to learn to attach to middle, and he to me, it is unfair to continue.

I told her we would not do that. Worst case scenario is our family would live apart if needed. Of course, this is also not ideal, but adoption is forever.

I did acknowledge some of what I have said here. I believe thensystem set us up to fail refusing therapy and diagnosis early on. He would have been much better placed in an only child environment. I admit having a hard time attaching to him. He is so defiant and mean. I love him, but often don’t like him.

I felt very blamed in this session. I didn’t create this mess. I come there to learn how to manage it. And I felt blamed instead if helped.

I need to find a new therapist. But I already drive an hour one way for this one!!

The hopeless feeling is real.