Things at home lately have been pretty good. We are all taking our medication. Small things no longer feel impossible. Middle hasn’t been on my last nerve every day. Overall, just a better attitude and less chaotic household.
Enter the holiday season. A brother I don’t hear from often asking what my kids want (hoping I say cash and keep it simple). My response was spend time with my kids if you want to do something nice. They don’t need “stuff” or cash.
I got a response that accused me of isolating myself (cuz clearly when I request he actually spent time with my kids, I am truly isolating).
The thing is my family SUCKS. I haven’t spoken with my mom since June. When I got angry with her for asking my daughter to lie to me and hide that my SIL was pregnant from me, she told me she was “done with me.” Somehow, I was wrong to be angry, and it is my fault.
When I gave my older brother several chances, and he continues to be drunk or high and contact me using racial slurs and thinks he is funny…it is also MY fault I no longer deal with him.
When my other brother chose to carry a gun on his hip to family Thanksgiving, and I asked him to put it out in his car, since foster licensing stated my kids (at that time not yet legally adopted) were not allowed near weapons and he refused…so my family had to leave…again MY fault. He has rights too, damn it. When his wife told me I had my kids to get money (wtf, are you kidding me??!) and I worried I would beat her ass and my brother would then need his concealed weapon to save her…totally my fault.
Oh, and my husband’s family isn’t much better. Trump voters. How can they claim to love and support out family when they voted for a racist?
It is all so messy.
We are going on vacation over Christmas…fuck it. For real.