Being a mom is work. Sometimes the best kind of work. But sometimes just hard work.
I am a nurturer by nature. It’s the reason I currently am fostering cats…I feel needed.
My youngest started 4k. Only half days of school, thank God…but he’s still getting big to my dismay.
My oldest is a senior in high school. I’m terrified of her leaving for college.
Middle terrorizes me daily. With his new DMDD diagnosis, an article said, “the child is often miserable, as is his family around him.” Heck yes. I love the kid, but he makes me feel tortured.
My husband is in school…his last accelerated class to get his bachelor degree. He’s just a few weeks away from graduating, and is talking about continuing for his masters.
All of this is good. We’ll, except middles behavioral issues.
But, as a mom, and a nurturer I realize I forget myself.
I’m taking care of cats, and my own pets. I’m taking care of my kids. I’m offering to help my neighbors with their kids. I’m trying to move my friend with cancer and her newborn and 2 teens closer to care for them. I struggle to find a balance in my open adoption with my youngest sons birth family. I try to connect more with my mom since my dad died.
And so, I don’t care for myself. True, I’m writing this while working out, riding my bike. But, I feel guilty since my 4 yr old is playing the iPad so I can do it.
I want to take an art class. My hubby thought I’d signed up for one starting yesterday. It’s an hour from home, a 3 hour class, once a week for 6 weeks. Yet, he comes home and uses my car to go on a work run (a rare occasion, but happens). He called as an afterthought an hour later asking if I had class. Thank God I hadn’t registered, since I’d never have been able to go.
I’m an afterthought.
Sometimes, I get so caught up supporting others, I realize nobody supports me.
My anxiety issues are reaching new levels. I feel like nobody understand it. And I feel ashamed of myself when I’m suffering these attacks.
I also have misophonia. It’s real, and it sucks. I feel this escalates tremendously with my anxiety levels.
I often feel guilty when I spend money, since I am not “working.” Yet, hubby does it without thinking twice. Why am I questioned? I know some of this is my own issue since I feel I don’t contribute enough…but at the same time, I WORK. Being a mom, full time, IS work. It’s work without breaks.
Feeling a bit stressed, grumpy, unappreciated, and unsupported.
Maybe it’s PMS. I’d bet it’s a contributor to this. Well, fuck that bitch PMS too. I don’t need those lady parts anymore, can’t I donate them and be done.
I ate ice cream for breakfast. And I let my 4 yr old do it too. Cuz, who cares?! It won’t kill us.
Hope everyone else has a good day…