It is my middle child’s birthday this week. I struggle with this one. Mostly, because of his Reactive Attachment Disorder, and our lack of a good bond. But also because it makes me full of anxiety worrying about how the day will go. Will he be happy because it is his special day? Will his emotions make him tantrum and out of control??
I also mourn his unhappy birth story. Knowing he was born to a drug addicted birthmom, with drugs in bis system requiring time in the NICU. Laws that allowed the addict birthmom to take him home. The neglect he suffered. The hell those situation caused him, and in turn, the way that still impacts our lives as secondary trauma.
I love this kid. I want him to succeed and be happy. I am starting to accept that we will never likely have a true bonded relationship.
I am not failing. She failed before me. I am struggling though.