Tonsils and babies

Tags

motherhood, parenting, surgery, surrogacy

What a crazy few days we have had!

My little got his tonsils out. He did really great the first 2 days. The last 2 days, not so great. I caved and called the doctor asking for something to soothe him. They no longer give prescription pain meds to kids. But they did give something to reduce swelling.

Then, on top of that, we are still negotiating the surrogacy idea. So, we are preparing for initial appointments, meetings, and contracts. It is difficult to do with all that is happening. 

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Oral surgery, again

Tags

anxiety, motherhood, surgery, teens

My teen girl needs her wisdom teeth cut out. Her mouth has no room. 

While this is common, and shouldn’t feel like a big deal…my anxiety brain has me feeling very panicked. General anesthesia has me scared. I know I’m slightly irrational, but the last time I sent a person off to surgery, he didn’t make it. And so, since dad died, I’m feeling scared to death of sending my daughter in for a surgery.

I’m putting on a brave face, pretending this is no big deal. But really, I want to throw myself on the bed and cry. But I wont. 

She’s actually had A LOT of oral surgeries, my silly girl. She never lost a tooth naturally. Each and every baby tooth was pulled in groups of 4 over several years. She also had a round of braces to correct spacing and straighten. Now, the wisdom teeth. I joke that I should insure her mouth separately since I’ve paid so much money for her teeth. 

I don’t think she’s feeling too worried. So, I’m doing my best not to seem that way too. But I’m terrified. 

So much so that since the appointment yesterday, my jaw hasn’t relaxed and my teeth are killing me. It’s an unconscious thing I do…clenching my jaw. 

I likely won’t feel better til it’s over in a few weeks…

Until then…

Surgery number 2

Tags

motherhood, pets, surgery

My sweet Shar pei pup had a second surgery today.

Last week, she had surgery on her eyes. She has too much skin on the lids, causing the lashes to roll in, and scratch at the eyes. It can be quite painful, ND cause her vision issues. One eye had developed cloudiness already, but will heal.

The awesome veterinarian I use called to check in, and I expressed a bit of concern over the eye that had been cloudy. It still wasn’t looking quite right, while the other looked great. He asked me to stop in so he could look.

This happened yesterday. Today, she had the second surgery.

The Doctor was apologetic, but explained he’d prefer to take skin slowly rather than too much at once. He wanted to redo the surgery, as the lid had begun rolling again. 

I appreciate his cautious approach, but regret that my sweet girl had to undergo another procedure.

She is home now, tired. I must caution the kid to leave her be. She is clearly exhausted. Her cone of shame must be worn an additional week now. This means constant supervision since it’s difficult to put on with all the extra skin she has in her neck. 

I am crazy about this dog. We are very bonded and she makes me very happy. Seeing her with her stitches is hard. I just want her better. I hope that this heals her eye issues. Her eyes are a beautiful pale green, and I’d love for both to be visible, and not painful for her.

Pets are family too. I love all of mine dearly.

Terrified

Tags

death, fear, foster parent, love, parents, surgery, trauma

So, my father will have triple bypass open heart surgery.
Last year, he had a hard time recovering from an appendix surgery, in which the appendix had leaked before surgery and created a mess. Still, it hadn’t exploded. And he had a hard time.
I am not confident he can handle this surgery.
The surgery is so urgent, the surgeon pushed off other surgeries to fit my dad in the schedule.
I am not feeling confident, instead terrified.
My dad isn’t a man who shows emotion. He’s an alcoholic. He’s a man who expressed anger best throughout my childhood.
Yet, with his grandkids, he’s all smiles. He’d give them ANYTHING to see them smile or laugh. He’s a wonderful grandpa.
I was taught to hate him as a child by my mom. That’s a blog post for another time. But needless to say, if he doesn’t make it, I will resent her even more.
My relationship with her is strained, but I try. I fear I’d stop trying if this happens, cuz I wouldn’t know how to forgive her interference.
I’ve tried connecting with dad in the last few years. As an adult, I’ve learned more about him…and understand him a bit more. Its a bit weird how the path I’ve chosen mimics my father’s past. I was a foster parent…he was a foster child.
Then it was different. Things weren’t easy for him.
I understand how he didn’t know how to show emotion. He wasn’t sure how to be a dad. Alcohol was his self medicating way of healing.
I understand…yet it’s a bit late.
I’ve tried to express it, but he isn’t good at listening to emotional things.
I hope he knows he is loved. And for all those bitter years I didn’t accept him, I am sorry in ways I can’t express.
If he doesn’t make it…I will live with guilt. And my mom will feel some of it.
Please, let him make it.
I’m terrified.