Tags
adoption, caregiver, depression, dysfunctional family, family, grandkids, holidays, motherhood, parents
My brother was in town for the Thanksgiving holiday. He moves around a lot for his job. His job pays him a a phenomenal amount of money for a young, single, childless guy.
Since our dad died, my brother has taken over my mom’s finances. But, he can’t take care of the little things because he is too far away.
The little things like when she is sick and needs immediate help. She is diabetic, and she sucks at taking care of herself.
She favors my brothers. One, because he is wealthy and pays her bills. The other because he depends on her for daycare. She likes being a grandma. And while I think caring for his kids daily is a lot for her, she loves it, and loves to bitch about it.
My kids are more or less ignored, since I don’t need assistance in their daily care. Or, maybe because I adopted them? Maybe both?
My mom often forgets their birthdays. She basically sucks when it comes to my kids, but is fabulous with my other brothers kids.
So. Now that there is a minimal backstory…the Thanksgiving holiday was a bit nuts.
My wealthy brother asked us to go in on buying an incredible property with him. A home with twice the space of our current (smaller but functional) home. A property with a guest space behind the main home. Exceptional pond, hobby farm capabilities, lots of land. He wanted us to allow my mom to stay in the guest space, and take care of her in exchange for paying for half of the property. This property is 4x the cost of our current home.
While my mom makes me crazy, I agree she needs someone to help her out.
My husband and I, who have a rocky relationship with my mom, both agreed we could make this work. We agreed wr could stretch our finances to meet my younger brother in the middle on this fantastic property.
My other brother, the one I don’t speak with but my mom watches his kids put a stop to this deal before we got ink to paper.
He informed my mom, who provides *free* childcare for him, that she would not be ALLOWED to watch the kids if she moved with me.
I mean, he is threatening her with the kids, that she watches for free!! He is a special kind of asshole.
We don’t speak because he became a different person after his divorce, new religion, and second marriage.
I have missed years of family functions because he has always been able to do what he likes with little backlash. Why? He had cancer. So, he gets everything. Even though the cancer is gone now.
The final straw for me was when he brought a concealed gun to Thanksgiving years ago, and refused to put it in his car rather than wear it around my kids. His wife then declared I only had my kids for money (they were still in foster care at this point, prior to adoption). We haven’t spoken since. I ignore him when we are in a room together. He does the same.
So, this brother who has taken numerous family moments from us because of his constitutional right to carry his gun (he voted for Trump, can you tell?), was able to prevent an incredible opportunity for us.
My mom will not “give up the grandkids.”
I mean, she has little relationship with MY kids…but, whatever.
Apparently getting to be with my kids more isn’t a part of the equation for her?
Slap to the face for real (figurative), and it stings to see how little she cares.
And yet, this brother refuses to care for our mom! Ha!
But, she is an awful bitch to me and my family and we were gonna step up anyway.
To say I am feeling mentally overwhelmed right now is an understatement. I am having a hard time processing how this situation unfolded.
I am seriously depressed, and feeling very grinchy this holiday season.