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I like to help. I do. I am not good at saying no, but I am learning. And I need to learn to say no because people take it too far.
Example: I helped out my sick friend with some medical supplies a few weeks ago. I know money is tight for her, and when she was stressed about some things her insurance didn’t cover I offered to buy things online and ship them to her. I was happy to help.
Well, wouldn’t you know this week I received a message saying she could really use 3 more bottles of the medicated cream and more bandages. The cream that is $25 per bottle. Bandages in a box that size were around $40. This assumption that I would just be buying her supplies regularly had my jaw on the ground in disbelief.
I simply didn’t reply. I was hurt that this is where my kind gesture had gotten me. And, wouldn’t you know I got a message 5 days later. It said, “thinking of you, how are you?” Well, when I replied, a series of messages followed with the last being, “did you order my supplies yet?”
You weren’t “thinking of me” you were thinking of yourself, and what you could get FROM me.
This learning to say no is easier when things are so obviously one sided. Again, too angry to respond I just decided not to say anything. I need to allow myself some calming time before responding.
I know they struggle with money. But I also know they eat take-out food WAY more often than I do. Budgeting is a real problem. Why am I funding their necessities while they enjoy frivolous things I don’t because I budget.
She is terminal. That is what hits me in the gut. Younger than I am. Terminal cancer. She has outlived the doctors estimated time frame already. We all know time is limited. So, maybe that is why I feel like I am obligated to do what I can.
But truth is, I have my own family and household to manage. We aren’t rich. We just know how to budget. And quite frankly, her medical supplies are not part of my budget.
I am hurt that because I chose to help out that there is an assumption I will buy her medication whenever she asks. Again, not rich over here.
If I offer to do something kind, that doesn’t mean take advantage of me.